How to Stack the Deck in Your Favour When Dating Online with Fish2FishDating
In a couple of previous blogs I got some very interesting comments extolling the dangers of online dating and how dating online couldn't be trusted and how wrong it was...also what was more interesting was the response to another blog which I posted suggesting approaching dating with the right attitude, where a particular commenter argued why there was any need to change.
This is interesting to me because one of the things that I have a strong interest in is "personal development". I have learned from books, course, common sense and personal experience that attitude is everything. In otherwords if you want to something to change then you have to do something different than before. In fact there are 2 statements that were told to me and that is:
- you can't solve a problem with the same thinking that got you into the problem in the first place
- the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
Now to some of you the above statements are obvious but please still remember them as you go about your day or when you think about an issue you have in front of you. Not just to do with dating either.
My story is I started dating again 18 months ago last year, I was a little surprised by how simple dating sites now were. Also I was surprised at how little help there was on these sites to help people use them effectively to get dates. I had previously been under the impression it was all "done for you" and that you just told them what you wanted and they delivered a list to you and you just got the girls on a chat or emailed them and did your thing. Well that was my experience with the site I'd selected anyway.
I was excited but I also knew from bitter experience from the relationship that had just ended (interracial) what I didn't want. I believe that angle of approach worked out to be an advantage because as long as the connection I made didn't "feel" like it was x, y and z or going in that direction then it was a good start. On the list of what I didn't wants wasn't anything to do with beauty, or size or skin colour to give you some idea, it was all do with the attitude and respect and values they had in relating to me. I knew that looks would come into it but as you'll see from the 3 states or outcomes from making a connection that wasn't something to worry about.
I used the ideas here and they worked. Yes, within 3 month after signing up with a dating site I met a girl and after 1 year we were living together, enjoying and appreciating one another. She was physically the opposite of me. Starting with the fact I'm black and she is Irish and white. I'm slim she's not so slim, I'm 1.75m and she is about 1.5m tall but we communicated beautifully and it just worked. Although we aren’t together now, that initial connection did mean something as we still continue to text and communicate to this day.
Right let’s get down to what I believe is an effective angle of approach in dating, as I said earlier the date site I was on was not very helpful at all, they just kind of left you to it and you had to figure it out for yourself. I know some people found this frustrating and even quit the site looking for greener pastures on another date site that was better and more expensive. They got frustrated there too. I believe the reason was is that their attitude never changed and so they did the same thing that they did on the first site, on the second site and got the same results...sound familiar?
Here's what I learned
All dating sites are pretty much the same. In fact a lot of them use the same databases hence my girlfriend wasn't actually on my dating site at all but was obviously fishing in the same lake or database when we met.
You have to be honest and positive in everything you post on the site, which includes your profile, your correspondence with others as well as your "dating diary" entries. Yes, our site had somewhere you could post things for others to read.
There is No Try
What you give is what you get. If you sat round the outside and waited for a night on a white horse to arrive that’s all you would ever do...wait! Those that had the most fun acted and did something. I saw people older than myself having a great time sharing funny stories and jokes everyday on the dating diaries. I also saw a few people simply moaning every day and that's all they ever did. Crazy really as they diary could only be read by guys and not fellow girls so they just came across as difficult and to be avoided - Which is probably exactly what happened to them until they quit.
The big idea of a dating site is to arrange face to face meetings with people that you felt you might have a good connection with. Again this probably sounds obvious. But I was out having fun with almost a date a week (no it wasn't me, I was always asked by girls) I would be asked by girls if I'd like to meet them after they'd chatted and even talked on the phone to me for a time.
Here's the thing though, I would more often than not say yes, and the other thing which I think was smart, was that I always showed up and as best I could, on-time too. Because my attitude was good and positive in all the correspondence I’d had with all girls, in the end I would was building friendships with lots of women I considered friends. Some would ask my opinion on their situation.
Release Your Inner Goddess
One woman I recall had been chatting with a younger guy for months but never got to have a date with him for one reason or another. I told her carefully that I get the feeling that she didn't join the dating site for "SEXting" she joined because she wanted to go on a “good to honest date” with a guy the way it should be. After I said those words I could almost feel a relieving sigh come from her. I advised her that she should contact him and do the alternative close of "I think that we kind of know a fair bit about each other now and so I think would be good if we get together and meet up. I'm free on <this date> and <that date> which day is good for you?
I told her that if he then does a “porky pig” impression and it sounds like he's making excuses then give up, move on and talk to someone else. In fact she should have been talking to lots of people anyway. Get some self-respect back and engage with the world. A few days later she told me she had been a bit scared but she did what I asked and he had "hummed and hared" so she blew him out and went fishing again, found someone else to talk to but now with the new confidence. She then using the alternative close in a natural manner, to booked a date and was excited, not at all anxious about meeting this new guy, as now she had reveal her inner goddess!
Online dating is not where it starts and finishes. It is merely a way to market yourself and others to market themselves to a bigger pond or lake with more fishes. I know "market" sounds a bit cold or clinical but isn't nature like that sometimes in the animal kingdom?!
You can fish in a pool with more fishes than just your neighbourhood dance, local nightclub or bar. Besides if you don't want in a few years to be complaining that your husband or wife is always hanging around in bars, maybe an idea to look for a partner in less artificial environment.
You Are in Control
You are in control and the same as in the offline life you can have three situations - you like them and chat and arrange a date, or you become friends and maybe meet anyway as friends, or if it's not clicking you ignore them. Absolutely no different to people you meet in everyday life and before there was anything like online dating in the first place.
People can get so hung up with the idea of online dating but all it is a way to filter out the people you have no connection with or interest in, so you can possibly choose to meet the good you are interested in. As the pool is pretty large and because of marketing to a "targeted" audience, in other words they are looking for people to meet, it's a great place to start to filter.
Never worry about dropping someone that doesn’t appeal to you. They're going to be lots of others if you keep up the positive message output. Again remember "some are going to be friends, others dates and others ignore. That's it - PERIOD!
Repeat the above over and over with a positive attitude. Don't get hung up on looking for the ONE. From experience there are lots of ones. The pool is huge it's up to you now to filter out who are friends, dates and people to ignore.
|Fish2Fish Founder - Colin Robergtson|
Dating tips and concepts that work
Please feel free get in touch if you have any questions about the info here.
All the best...
Colin J Robertson - Founder of Fish2Fish Dating