Friday 14 February 2014

What really matters in a relationship?

What really matters in a relationship?

In response to the eHarmony article that boasted the reasons to date lawyer, Hayley Bystram of Bowen- Lyons Partnership tells us how their article can be translated to everyone, even those who aren’t lawyers and what actually matters when dating someone!
Why is an impeccable dress sense not an essential part of dating a person?
Impeccable is never the goal. People want to be able to relate to one another and find common ground whilst on a date. To be impeccable is closely linked to unapproachable, which is the last thing you want when you’re getting to know someone. Of course a neatly ironed shirt is preferable to one that looks like you recently got it out of the hamper, smelt that it was dirty, and decided to wear it anyway, but there’s clearly a middle ground and impeccable isn’t it!

Why are looks not everything when it comes to the dating scene?
Looks aren’t everything when it comes to the dating scene, but no matter how hard we’d like to deny it, they do matter to some extent. (For this reason, we offer a complimentary consultation with an expert Stylist as part of our Relationship Ready package for all of our new members.) I’m not trying to say that in order to find love, you need to look like a Hollywood movie star, but those searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right need to be prepared to make some effort when it comes to their appearance. Now let’s define effort – by this we mean moving forward with the times and not reusing your 1990’s party dress that has been hanging in the wardrobe for years, not throwing on clothes that clearly no longer fit and were from your chubbier University days, and avoiding wearing old ratty trainers on a date! Treat yourself to a few new date outfits, schedule your hair appointments throughout the year, shower, iron your clothes, and make sure that you have breath mints on you. In other words, do what you need to do to ensure that you are attractive to the opposite sex, and most importantly, that you feel attractive. It’s obvious when someone isn’t comfortable in their own skin, so it’s paramount that you do what you can to feel your best while on the dating scene.

Some people thrive off friction so why is conflict resolution so important in a relationship?
Some couples may thrive off friction for a while but, like any heightened state (whether one that is volatile or a honeymoon period), it isn’t sustainable. Conflict resolution is key to a partnership. In the most recent couples research done at the renowned Gottman Institute in the US, researchers have found that it isn’t how often couples fight, but the way they resolve their conflict that predicts relational success.

Why are arguments good things for a relationship from time to time?
Arguments are a sign of an honest relationship. Just because two people are committed to one another, doesn’t mean that they fuse into one being with a single mind and heart. Arguing is healthy from time to time – it addresses concerns or frustrations and it is the way it’s resolved that matters the most.

Why can money not buy you a happy relationship?
True love has nothing to do with money. Although we’d all like to fall in love with someone who is financially accomplished, it’s truly the person inside that matters. Money comes and goes, but character is much more permanent. If you’re setting out to meet someone who is ‘rich’ that doesn’t mean that they are going to meet all of your other much more vital needs in the relationship, and they may be completely poor in their value system and personality. Although it’s completely understandable to want to be in a relationship with someone who lives a comfortable life with job-security, wealth should never be one of the top priorities when looking for a mate.

Why is admitting you are wrong a strong trait to have in a pairing?
There’s no room for the need to ‘be right’ in a relationship. You won’t get very far if you’re always trying to prove your point and one-up your partner!

'To contact Hayley about getting your love life sorted please visit or drop her a line to'

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