Wednesday 12 June 2013

What Do You Look For In a Marriageable Man?

dating advice

What do you look for in a marriageable man?

YourTango conducted a survey of over 100 mental health professionals to learn what it takes for a man to be considered "husband material." According to the results, the top three traits marriage-oriented people look for in a man are: his ability to communicate, honesty and reliability. So, besides these three fairly obvious characteristics, what else matters in a potential life partner? We queried the experts to find out:

1. You can be yourself when you're with him.  You don't feel like you have to change your quirky laugh or be less ambitious. You're not afraid to show how smart you are because he truly loves you as you are. He fell in love with "who you were when he met you" and continues to love those same traits as the relationship progresses. 

2. You like how you feel when you’re around him. You feel safe, secure, and cared about because his attitude around you is consistent and dependable. You also feel comfortable, relaxed and happy when you're with him because you have learned . 

3. He has introduced you to his friends and family. He wants to include you in all parts of his life because he's proud of the relationship he has with you. He's committed to making sure you feel included and this shows you that; he doesn’t have anything to hide and he's serious about your relationship to want everyone in his life to know you're together. 

4. He makes it obvious your happiness and well-being are very important to him. He listens and remembers when you tell him what makes you happy and goes out of his way to accomplish it. He puts your needs in front of his.  

5. He knows the difference between a conversation and a confrontation, between compromise and contentiousness. This quality leaves room for a difference of opinion without having an outburst or a sulk-fest. Compromise can take many forms: a little of what you like, a little of what I like; this time your way, next time my way; can we meet in the middle. However you phrase it, being willing and able to converse and compromise is an important quality in a "keeper." 

6. He's warm and loving. Seems obvious, but so many people choose partners based on external factors, such as job title, physique and wealth, instead of internal ones, such as an orientation toward warmth and love. Job title, physique and wealth will not mean much during the hard times in life, but warmth and love, along with humor can carry you through. Those external factors can change in not such great ways over time, but warmth and love are character traits that can improve and deepen as we age.

7. He makes you laugh. There's no overestimating the enjoyment that comes from sharing a laugh every day with your partner, or having a partner who can help "joke" you out of a stubborn position you're committed to. And there's no underestimating the drabness of daily life with a partner who's relatively humorless. By making you laugh, I don't mean he can’t have a serious conversation and everything's a joke to avoid dealing with things. I mean he's able to see and appreciate the humor in everyday life, which is a great quality in a mate.

8. He's deeply open. I know a man is a keeper when he is willing to be deeply open with me, even if it's saying something (kindly) he doesn't think I want to hear.

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