Tuesday 18 June 2013

Neediness & Dependence

Neediness & Dependence


Your partner can be very needy. It can feel that they are clinging to you, or are dependent on you for their happiness.
You can feel needy yourself within the relationship and worry that you would not be able to find happiness without your partner. You feel lost and empty when they are not around.
You worry that your partner could not cope without you.


Our natural state is one of love and connection (self-love) and if you or your partner ever move away from this you will create a powerful need for love.
We first move away from self-love in the challenges and traumas of life, especially in our original families when we are young. We then carry our need for love into adult life where we will search for it in our romantic relationships. If our partner fulfils our need (especially in the early days of the relationship) we can easily become dependent on them.
The need for love creates a whole range of needy behaviours were you or your partner might seek attention and love from each other. Because it is not true to do this (because you are abundant in love already!) these behaviours are very unattractive and will push each other away.


Here are three ways to let go of neediness and become less dependent on your partner (or help them with their's):
1. You have all the love you could ever need because it is your natural state of being (click to see why this is). If you can embrace the 'real you', any dependence and neediness will automatically fall away.
2. Step 1. is not as easy as it sounds because you and your partner are holding on to negative self-beliefs that make you feel that you are lacking in love, or are unworthy of love. Try to identify these beliefs and work to let them go.
3. If your partner is acting in a needy way do not move away from them or judge them as this will just make them feel even more lacking in love. Support them and pour love into them, they will become calmer and less needy. Then you can start working together to understand the origins of the neediness.

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