Monday 17 June 2013

Are They A Keeper? Determining Someone’s Long Term Potential

Are They A Keeper? Determining Someone’s Long Term Potential

Long Term PotentialDating, dating and more dating. Meeting so many wrongs but not any rights? Well, perhaps it’s time to step back and reassess what it is you’re really looking for. I know I recently had to do that. You know I date a lot and have to often choose against moving forward with someone that I feel isn’t right for me. I’m not being picky, I’m being selective. I’m not going to settle like I did in my marriage. He was a nice guy, great guy, but we weren’t right for each other but we ignored all the signs. Let me tell you something, just because someone is nice, or good on paper, and just because you have things in common with someone doesn’t make them your ideal partner. I’m holding out for something better and so should you. So if you’re dating, how do you know that someone is worth committing to and going that extra step with? Ask yourself, are they a keeper?

What Gives People Long Term Potential?

Being True to You

Can you be yourself with this person? Are they themselves with you? After witnessing the good, the bad and the ugly do you still want to be together? This is important because you should never change yourself for anyone. Someone should love you as you are, including your quirks. The biggest mistake people make is to act differently just to make someone happy. Never change to impress anyone. There is always someone out there that will love your weirdness.

Have a Connection

Do you feel drawn to the person? Do you feel a connection with them? What sort of connection? Well, the feeling like you’ve know this person forever. It’s a comfort level with them. You feel “at home” with them, it’s natural. You have a “good feeling” about them and your gut instincts aren’t setting off sirens. Don’t go into this blindly, still look out for red flags because a connection can be confused for infatuation. Be smart, be realistic.

Same Values, Integrity & Ethics

This person should always keep their word. They should do what they say they will do. All talk and no action? Breaking promises? Then they’re not a keeper. Don’t make excuses for them. Ask yourself if they make ethical decisions and if you’re on the same page when it comes to values. Are they honest? Do they take accountability for their actions? This includes how you feel about family, work, home life and money. Some other things to look out for? Here is a list of some other important things to look out for – adaptability, ambition, appreciation, assertiveness, compassion, decisiveness, empathy, gratitude, punctuality, respectful, responsible, understanding, warmth.

You’re a Team

Do you feel like a part of a team or are you flying solo most of the time. Do you make decisions together? Does your partner let you in on every aspect of their lives? Do they talk to you often? Are you a source of comfort for them after a bad day? I’m not one for constant contact but daily contact is important to me. I also want to feel like an important part of someone’s life. It’s essential that you feel like part of a team. You need to have each other’s back and know you can trust and rely on them.

You’re Public & Social

Is your relationship a public one? Do they show you off to their friends? Do you go out together? Do you make plans with other couples? Is it public that you and them are an item or is it a secret relationship? It is extremely important that you are a public couple. This will help you both feel more secure. If they make excuses about not wanting to go public, or if you’ve been together for months and haven’t met their friends that’s a red flag. Also, seeing how they act in public and with friends and family will teach you a lot about them. Most people act one way when they are trying to impress you, but when it comes to their friends it’s a different story.

If you want to be with someone you will be, similarly if someone wants to be with you they will be. Plain. Simple. Just having a lot in common with someone doesn’t make them a good partner, it makes them someone you have things in common with. Don’t make that mistake. Ensure that you make a smart decision when you decide to date someone exclusively. Better to be alone than with the wrong person. If they are the right person with long term potential you won’t have to force it, it should just happen naturally. Never rush anything. When you meet someone don’t assess them on whether or not you want to spend your life with them, enjoy their company and things fall into place where they should. Remember that.

How do you determine that someone is a keeper? What qualities give someone long term potential? I would love to hear from you in the comments!

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