Monday 8 July 2013

The 5 Guys Every Girl Will Date

The 5 Guys Every Girl Will Date

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I recently dipped my toe into the uncertain waters of online dating, so far with mixed results. After exhaustive debriefing and over-analysis with close friends, I've come to realize just how common my experiences have been. 

In fact, I'm going to make some sweeping generalizations about the 5 frogs you'll date before you finally kiss your prince. Stop me if you've heard this already.

Date #1: Mr. Missing In Action

The date will go really well, you'll feel that connection that teen movies starring Zac Efron sing about, and then you'll wait for that promised call. Maybe he sends you a non-committal text a few days later, or perhaps he falls off the grid completely: either way you're left wondering how Mr Right so quickly became Mr WTF.

You might be tempted to invent a million plausible reasons for the disappearing act (he's trapped under a heavy bookcase, his phone broke, he's been kidnapped by the Russian mob, he's in the Bermuda Triangle), it doesn't really matter because the chemistry you felt probably wasn't mutual. And girlfriend, those IKEA bookshelves really aren't that heavy, are they? Cut your losses and move on.

Date #2: Mr. Non-Starter

Though I have built up a seriously impressive repertoire of small-talk topics (including dolphins, poutine and allergies), awkward silences are sometimes inevitable. On a first date this is perfectly normal of course, but when they outweigh moments of spirited conversation it's time to put that date out of its misery. This is a clear sign that you are not going to get along, even just as friends. 

Date #3: Mr. (Nearly) Perfect 

This guy is super duper nice - the perfect gentleman who makes sure you get home safely and would drop everything to bring you soup if you're feeling under the weather. In other words, he's like the perfectly sappy male love interest in every single rom-com you've ever seen. There's just one little problem: you aren't attracted to him. 

You'll think, 'Why can't I like this guy? He's perfect!'. But you're not looking for a perfect guy, you're looking for your perfect guy. If he's not the ying to your yang, let him know now so that he can go open doors and buy perfect pale pink roses for other lucky ladies.

Date #4: Mr. Bad Timing

The first date was a hit: you were witty, he was charming and you looked hawt (if you do say so yourself). You've been texting and calling each other ever since and you're getting great vibes. 

Then he has to go out of town for business one week, and you're on vacation the next. But hey, maybe the next week you'll catch up, right? Besides, you've still got the texting and Google chat thing going, so that must count for something. Except when that next week finally arrives, you're both over-committed once again and have to reschedule.

Congrats lady, you've got yourself a pen pal. 

I've been there. Many online daters are online in the first place because they are so busy with work that they rarely get out to meet new people. Perhaps this guy is really interesting and nice, but texting can't sustain a new relationship. Your best bet is to say, 'I like you but you seem to have a lot on your plate right now. I'd like to remain friends, so maybe when you're free sometime we can grab a drink'. This way you can keep the door open if he's worth it, but have the freedom to see other people until the timing is right.

Date #5: Mr. Unexpected

The other day I had a date and I was not looking forward to it. To be fair, I don't look forward to most dates. I get riddled with anxiety and end up texting a friend in panic mode, saying "I will legit throw up on him" (direct quote). Sound familiar? 

I couldn't cancel though, so in spite of being in a bit of a rotten mood I went. My expectations were super low, but it turned out to be an awesome date. I had such a good time and we really hit it off. I don't want to get ahead of myself, but sometimes just having a great evening makes me generally feel good about dating again. 

Have you met any of these guys? Maybe all of them? What is your favourite (or least favourite!) part of dating?

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