So there you are having drinks with a friend and they’re telling you about their latest relationship disaster. The conversation sounds just like the last five you’ve had with them. They seem to be having one long relationship, just with different people in the role of significant other. Their problem (or yours) you may be that they are attracted to particular “types” of people that aren’t really good for them. Here are 5 “types” that you might want to be on alert for and when you spot them run the other way.
Wounded Birds: Somebody save me!
On the surface wounded birds seem harmless enough. They’re hurting and need some help. We all need help from time to time, but this is their defining characteristic. They are constantly in distress and are looking for someone else to fix it for them. If you are dating them, it’s you.
Some help is good, but your whole relationship shouldn’t be based on their never-ending need for you to solve their problems. At some point they need take responsibility for their life and fix their own stuff. Problems happen in life but in a healthy relationship you should be able to do that for each other and it shouldn’t be the mainstay of your relationship. It’s hard to build a relationship with someone when you are busy applying band aids.
Bad Boys and Girls: Why does bad feel so good?
Bad Boys & Girls are full of charisma, fun to be around and they generally always have stuff going on and places to be. I’ve been enticed by the bad boy a time or three in my life and in my experience it starts out as a party and ends up a disaster. They have a healthy dose of drama in their life and usually engage in behaviors that push not just their own boundaries, but yours as well. It’s good, in fact important, to have your boundaries pushed from time to time. It helps us to grow, change and evolve. But if you find that your boundaries are constantly being pushed by your partner and it just doesn’t sit right, it might be a sign that you’re with a bad boy or girl. If your gut telling you something isn’t right about the relationship, listen to it and really consider if this relationship is getting you where you want to go.
Narcissists: Enough about me, what do you think about me?
Narcissists have quite a bit in common with the Bad Boys/Girls but they’re a bit different in that everything is about them. Everything going on in their lives is about them, for them, because of them. A relationship with them is not going to really involve the two of you and certainly will have even less to do with you and your needs or wants. They worry about how things are going to impact their life and have very little concern for anyone else. They will generally drop you if you are not constantly focused on their needs and what you think of them.
Users: What can you do for me?
To be honest I don’t consider relationships with Users to really be real love relationships in any genuine sense. They’re more like arrangements. Users want to know what you can do or provide for them. Users can be identified by their constant need and asking for things. They may need a ride or to borrow your car, your money or your time or maybe they are attracted to who you know and how that can benefit them personally. Some people are perfectly fine with this type of arrangement and openly search for it in the form of sugar daddy’s and mamma’s, that special someone to bankroll their life in return for “a relationship”. Good for them if two people want and find that kind of relationship. But don’t think for a minute that it’s about mutual respect, love or anything that is going to grow into something resembling a healthy relationship. It’s a business transaction.
Drama Kings and Queens: Grab some popcorn, the show is about to start.
Many of the “types” above have an element of drama swirling about them, but Drama Kings and Queens thrive on it. They would feel hollow without some sort of chaos going on in their life and if for some reason their life was momentarily calm, they find a way to stir things up and bring back the drama. They love to blame others for their problems and they rarely if ever take responsibility for what’s going on in their life. Life happens to them, the world is out to get them and they position themselves as a victim to the fates. To be sure they will always have a great story about the latest drama happening to them, but being in a relationship with them is exhausting.
What These “Types” Have in Common
People who are focused on these types of behaviors have no boundaries of their own and don’t respect yours. If you try to say “no” to their dramas and needs, odds are they are going to eventually look elsewhere for someone who will let them get away with their games. Relationships with these “types” for the most part are dead end, frustrating and draining. You end up spending all your time putting out fires, putting on band aids, hearing about their drama, their needs and their wants and zero time towards having a healthy fun relationship.
So if you or a friend find yourself inviting in these troublesome types, try encouraging, if not enforcing a drama free zone in your love life. Steer clear of the drama and date someone that owns their stuff and manages their life in a drama free way.