He’s “The One”! – or How to Scare Off Your Date
When you go out on a first date you should approach it with a positive attitude. But there is such a thing as too much of a positive attitude. Positive they are are perfect for you, positive that you are soul mates, positive that they are “The One”. If you find yourself thinking in these terms, dial it back a few notches and step away from the wedding registry gun. For two simple reasons: (1) aiming that kind of enthusiasm at a person you’ve just met freaks them out and turns them off (2) Until you meet face-to-face you really don’t have a full picture of who they are.
I would gladly exceed my minutes for you
First dates are supposed to be a low-key meeting of two people getting together to see if there are any in-person sparks. Yes, yes I’m sure you have chatted endlessly online, exchanged adorable texts and have exceeded your cell plan with those five-hour-soul-baring conversations. That is all very awesome. They may very well be a match, but let that discovery unfold naturally during the date instead of forcing the issue and scaring them off.
Beautiful emails do not make a relationship
|"There she is, this is it!"|
Some Do’s and Don’ts to keep your excitement at bay:
Before the date:
- Do get excited about a first date, have a positive attitude and an open mind.
- Don’t start rearranging your furniture to make room for their stuff and tell people to “save the date”.
- Do re-read your dates profile shortly before the date if you met them online. It may provide some valuable topics to discuss or remind you of things you want to ask about.
- Don’t memorize their profile or print it out and sleep with it under your pillow.
- Do ask what they are interested in and passionate about. Keep your conversation in the present.
- Don’t fill the conversation with future plans for the two of you and how you want to introduce them to your parents (that actually happened to me).
- Do be a good listener and enjoy the conversation.
- Don’t give them the third degree. If you have key things that are deal breakers for you (Kids es/no, cat or dog person, smoker/nonsmoker, serial killer/upstanding citizen) bring them up in a fun, light way. It’s better to know those things sooner then later and save you both some time.
So, when will I see you again?
|"I know we've hardly met |
but I just love you so much"
Let that first date marinate, listen to your gut and think about what you observed in their words and body language. I suspect that if you’re really present and paying attention to how the date went, you’ll know what to do.
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